Thursday, August 4, 2011

Don't cry, Philip Rivers (Thursday's Sporting List)



Happy Thursday! As I celebrate the fact that I get to wake up with a cup of coffee for the first time in three weeks-- because yesterday I finally scraped together $8.96 (plus tax) to buy a new coffeemaker and replace the one that went back back around the 4th of July-- you can celebrate the fact that I'm going to do some actual football commentary and give you

The Most Overrated Quarterbacks Currently on A Roster In The NFL:

After last week's list, I started thinking about quarterbacks who are actually in the league, including Dumb Ol' Vince Young, who'd rather kill dogs than play for the Bills, and decided that I was tired of hearing how great some of them are, when clearly they are not. So here's how I rank those guys everyone else thinks are awesome. (The numbers show where I'd put them in the list of 32 starting quarterbacks.)

32. Philip Rivers: Why does anyone like Rivers? Since he took over, the Saints have won a Super Bowl and the Chargers have been home early for Christmas. Sure, he throws for a lot of yards, but in the entire time he's been the QB, have the Chargers ever been taken seriously as a threat?

31. Mark Sanchez: Sanchez excels at one thing: dating girls who look (or are) 17. Lots of people like Sanchez... except his coaches, who routinely refuse to put the ball in his hands when it's time to win a game. Sanchez is Captain Checkdown, NJ version -- his yards-per-attempt rank him 25th in the league. He's inefficient -- his QB rating puts him at 27th. And, probably as a result of those two things, he's allowed to throw the ball just slightly more times per game than Alex Smith.

30. Matt Stafford. Sorry, Rogue Mutt. The China Doll is not only likely to be benched by Week 3 of this season (making that a great reason for you to Walk out on Week 3!) but he's always rusty - -NFL.com says he played in all of 3 games last year, and 13 since coming into the league. You'd think that never playing would make his arm fresh, but in the three games he played, he threw short -- averaging 5.6 yards per pass attempt (or fewer than Sanchez got.)

29. Ben Roethlisberger: So you still love Big Ben "I thought she was nodding but maybe she was just passing out" Roethlisberger because he threw that one lucky pass in the first Super Bowl he won? Or do you love him because Santonio Holmes made a great grab of an overthrow by Mr. Attitude?




Roethlisberger's supposed to be hard to take down -- but his 32 sacks last year had him put on the ground as many times as David Garrard and more times than now-Titan Matt Hasselsack. But a bigger problem is how the team views him. Check out what James Harrison said about him:

Hey, at least throw a pick on their side of the field instead of asking the D to bail you out again...Or hand the ball off and stop trying to act like Peyton Manning. You ain’t that and you know it, man; you just get paid like he does.

Roethlisberger, remember, got that first Super Bowl ring by standing behind Jerome Bettis' running. He got the second because Harrison ran back an interception to keep the Steelers in the game. If he gets a third, it'll be because he takes it off someone else's finger.

28. Tony Romo: I'd say Romo's even more overrated than Rivers, except that Rivers inherited an AFC-championship caliber team, while Romo inherited a team that once employed Chan Gailey as a coach. Still, that doesn't make up for the fact that Romo, who seems to maintain his job mainly because he once dated (and then cruelly dumped) Jessica Simpson -- is consistently considered to be a great quarterback despite everything about him saying otherwise.

He won his job from a guy who didn't want to be in Dallas and who had nearly died a few years before. He held onto it against competition from the likes of Stephen McGee -- heard of him? No, nobody has. But he was Romo's competition going into training camp last year, and he and Jon Kitna, who's still alive?, are the backups this year.

Why doesn't Romo have real competition for that job? Because Romo gets publicity, for some reason, and Jerry Jones likes publicity better than winning. As long as he fields at least a mediocre team, Cowboys' suckers/fans will pay $39 to stand in the stadium hallway and watch the game on TV, and as long as Romo is on TMZ at least as often as he's on ESPN, the team will continue to rake in tons of merchandising sales, making Jones a rich man and making it irrelevant if Romo can win a game that actually matters. (Spoiler alert: He can't.)


9 comments:

Rogue Mutt said...

Yeah I think what Lions fans and other people forget is that Stafford won only maybe 1 game of the 6 the Lions won last year. I'm pretty sure I say more about that in my Lions preview which includes the list of real (and fictional) Lions starters for the last 20 years!

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