Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Musical celebrations of mediocrity and Ivy Leaguers! (So They Made A [Couple of ] Song[s] About Sports)

The Buffalo Bills, just in time for their planned move to Toronto, have released and are eagerly tweeting about a new song celebrating their heritage:

Called "Red, White, and Blue," the song, written by Tom Sartori, celebrates everything good about the Buffalo Bills, while ignoring O.J. Simpson, Rob "Mr Glass" Johnson, and glossing over the four Super Bowl losses.

Sartori won the "Buffalo Solo Artist of the Year" award for 2010, and finances his music career with his prowess at Texas Hold 'Em poker, according to his website.

In case you're wondering, the actual sports-announcer clips in the video are (so far as I can tell?) Joe Ferguson throwing a touchdown to beat the Dolphins 17-7 in the season opener in 1980 -- the fans tore down the goal posts because the Bills hadn't beaten the team in 10 years, apparently (according to these guys, who seem to know.)

The other clip is the week 2 win this year, over the Raiders, which, yeah, nice game and nice to start 2-0, but, really, in all these years, you couldn't find two clips of games that meant something? Nothing from the Greatest Comeback in Playoff History? Not Don Beebe knocking that ball out of Leon Lett's hands? Two touchdown passes in two regular season games are the highlights for all time of Buffalo?

(What's sad is, yeah, they mostly are?)

And, yeah, I know they lost four Super Bowls in a row, but Jim Kelly deserves more than a sentence fragment. And no Flutie at all? I understand leaving out Alex Van Pelt, but no Flutie? He only got you to the playoffs, twice, and might be remembered better had Thrice-Failed Wade Philips not then handed the game over to Mr Glass to lose.

That's not the only Bills song out there. There's also "The Amish Rifle" by The Jambrones:

I like it: "We're believin' in his beard." To which you gave credit for ending the lockout? Okay. I also liked the ranking of Fitzy's beard versus famous Bibilical beards. Those old-time Bible guys knew how to beard it out.

While we're on the subject, he's lost the beard, hasn't he? I think he has. Or at least trimmed it down, based on his profile picture here. Too bad; you didn't see Obi Wan shaving his beard.

Also, want to hear the absolute worst rap ever?

All you drunk guys who try rapping? That is what you sound like. Not Eminem. That. Stop it.


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