Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Erin Andrews is wearing WHAT, now? It's hard to imagine getting turned on by THAT.

While I sit slaving away, working nearly an hour a day at my job, one of my law clerks is living it up in California, where he attends USC or some such and as an attendee and bogus enrollee in some kind of weird "Sports Law" group, he got to work behind the scenes at an ESPN college game day, and sent me some pictures that I'll use to lead into a story about The Masturbating (Or NOT!) ESPN Executive.

Here he is with Desmond Howard, who (this'll cement my sports credentials) I didn't immediately recognize either by name or looks. I had to ask Law Clerk "Who's Desmond Howard?"



Hey, that Super Bowl was a long time ago. Also, how am I supposed to recognize a football player without his jersey on?

And here is Erin Andrews, who everyone says is hot but who I think is at best "sports hot" and not real hot. For some reason, Erin Andrews is wearing a penguin blanket despite (a) being in southern California, and (b) penguins not being associated with USC, ESPN, southern California or any other thing that might cause Erin Andrews to wear a penguin blanket.



She probably did it to get attention.

Erin Andrews is not just the kind of person who wears a penguin snuggie at a pregame show. She's also the kind of person who may or may not have been masturbated in front of, according to Deadspin.com, which reported recently on a lawsuit filed to quell another lawsuit, and Erin Andrews' sexiness (?!?) is mixed in, of course.

Deadspin's story told how Keith Clinkscales, a former ESPN VP, had sued another former ESPN employee because, Clinkscales said, the other ESPN employee was about to slander him. Deadspin opted to lead into the lawsuits story by highlighting the claim that particularly incensed Keith Clinkscales: The report that he'd used his iPad to (partially)(allegedly) cover up his masturbating while sitting next to Erin Andrews on a plane:


Earlier this year, Clinkscales traveled to Los Angeles with Erin Andrews for a work-related event. Andrews sat in the middle, while Clinkscales was on the aisle. It was in either first or business class. What happened next was related by Andrews herself to both Connie, her husband, and ESPN anchor Sage Steele. At some point during the trip, Andrews saw Clinkscales masturbating in his seat, beneath his iPad.


Raise your hand if you just thought: "There's an app for THAT?!?!?!"

The story goes on:


When he realized he had been caught, Andrews told Connie, Clinkscales panicked and muttered, "You know, I'm one of your bosses." .... Andrews did not respond to email requests or text messages ...for comment. A call to one of her attorneys, Scott Carr, was not returned. Another source not connected to Connie recently asked Andrews if Clinkscales had jerked off in front of her. Andrews acknowledged that it had happened, according to the source.

If you are keeping score, Erin Andrews' now-legendary sexiness (?!) has sent one man to prison and derailed the career (allegedly) of another man. But rest assured that Erin Andrews will in no way use her legendary sexiness to promote her own career while reassuring people that she's in no way using her sexiness to promote her own career, just as Erin Andrews would never consider putting herself on a meat market show like The Bachelorette and then get mad because she spread the word that she wanted to go on The Bachelorette, would never try to capitalize on her stalker situation by talking about how she's not trying to capitalize on her stalker situation, and certainly did not rise all the way to the middle of sportscasting because of freak accidents and her legendary sexiness.

That's why Erin Andrews has earned the respect of the people she works with.

20 comments:

Tim Morrissey said...

"Sports hot", at best...

Great line.

Dr. Grumpy Bulldog, PhD of Awesomeness said...

Last night she Tweeted that Red Wings goalie Jimmy Howard is "a stud" so you can already see where the next Erin Andrews-related sex scandal is coming from.

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