As we prepare for this holiday season, let's keep in mind what's truly important about this time of year:
Two-buck waffle makers, all you can grab.
Don't worry about keeping your pants up, either. It's what Jesus would want.
My Nonsportsmanlike Conduct! Nongift! Nonguide! is on its way. Until then, tide yourself over and distract yourself from the sadness brought on by realizing that that woman has now cornered the market on waffle makers on eBay for years by reading the past couple years' guides:
The 2009 Nongift! Nonguide!
The 2010 Nongift! Nonguide!