Saturday, January 14, 2012

More updates on Tebow, including body-painted women and a sandwich. (Football)


If you, like me, are all excited to see Tim Tebow take on the much-hated Patriots* (they lose the asterisk when all the cheaters are off their roster and Brady gives back at least one ring) tonight, and if you, like me, are so excited about that prospect that you opted to not spend much time mulling over how Tim Tebow's much-vaunted Christianity can keep him from making an It Gets Better video but still let him golf with Tiger Woods, because apparently God hates the gays but loves the whores, then you, like me, might have opted out of that particular moral dilemma by choosing, instead, to focus on whether or not someone would go to Hell or get sued for claiming that their "Tebow Grilled Cheese" was a random act of God instead of a deliberate forgery in an attempt to glom onto His Tebowness.

Because that's what happened: A complete liar who's looking to get rich and famous in the (sl)easiest way possible is claiming that he "accidentally" grilled Tim Tebow into his grilled cheese sandwich.

Says Zack Johnson, Minor-League Fraudster, on his eBay posting of the Grilled Cheese Scam:
While hastily making lunch today, I slapped together two slices of bread and some cheese for the old standby of the grilled cheese sandwich. I'll freely admit I was a bit sloppy with my butter application and this sandwich was not going to be my best work. I'll also admit my frying pan is crappy and distributes heat very poorly, so I was not exactly expecting a work of art for a sandwich However, upon flipping the sandwich, I was thoroughly amazed by the image staring back at me ... the now iconic "Tebowing" pose of Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow! Stunned ... I found myself wondering what the meaning was of this sandwich. A sign from God? A cry for help from my lousy frying pan to be replaced? A warning of doom since I'm a Patriots fan? A ridiculous coincidence? I don't know. But the one thing I DO know is that I must share my sandwich masterpiece with the world, and would love for it to find a good home from somebody who's a much bigger Tim Tebow fan than myself. Happy bidding!

None of which happened at all. Zack Johnson, liar, simply made a burnt grilled cheese and scraped the shape of Tebow into it, and has been written up on local news sites and even Deadspin because people find it interesting and not at all fraudulent, apparently.

The scam is low-key; yesterday, the Fake Grilled Tebow was going for $6.51; today it's up to $24.51, so the publicity is working and overcoming the completely obvious fakery.

I haven't been this befuddled by a Food Shaped Like Something Else since everyone was snookered into thinking a corn flake looked like Illinois when it clearly looked like Manitoba. This is Zack Johnson, liar's first foray into selling fake food items. His previous sales were a DVD and a game. Presumably, he did not pretend to have accidentally recorded The Lord Of The Rings on DVD and then sell it.

If he was hoping to get in good with The Big Guy (Tebow, not God), Zack Johnson, Fraudster, was sadly misguided: Tebow hates people who use His likeness to get rich on eBay.

In the end, potential buyers will have to ask themselves whether they want to throw away $24.51 (plus shipping and handling) on a fake item that will be forgotten about (if not eaten) by next year, or whether they instead would want to honor Tebow like this enterprising young lady who I'm sure makes her father sob into his pillow:




That's Erin Drewes, who is pictured here with His Tebowness:


And who had to be interviewed by Playboy to clear up once and for all whether she was actually Tim Tebow's girlfriend. She is, and was, not. But this girl might have been:


Except that when people discovered her back in 2009, they got all distracted by her hotness and never followed up on things like "her name" and "whether she was actually Tebow's girlfriend."

(Or Tim Tebow Jedi-ed them: "These are not the girls you're looking for.")

Erin Drewes is still alive and well. Or so it would seem. COED Magazine, which is fast becoming my go-to source, put out a call for information about her the other day. And they have pictures of playmates Tebow-ing, so you can get into the spirit of tonight's game, because, remember, being gay is not okay but cheating on one's wife with 27+ women: okay with God!

Go... Tebow?

13 comments:

Grumpy Bulldog, Secret Agent said...

Well the Patriots did give a Super Bowl ring to Vladimir Putin, so maybe that counts for something.

Princess Shirah said...

LMAO how sad. This was a local radio stunt and any money earned is going to charity. Don't hate on the Patriots because they kicked the Broncos in the tail.

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