Wednesday, February 8, 2012

UPDATES UPDATES UPDATES! (God, Brett Favre, Tim Tebow, Aaron Rodgers...)

Or are all of those people just the same person?

I'm not entirely willing to be done with football yet even though talking about football makes me feel exactly the same way looking at a Christmas tree on December 26 does -- tired, a little depressed, and sad that I'm going to have to take it down. Although this year, when we decorated our tree by hanging candy bars on it as ornaments using colored yarn, taking the tree down was much more fun.

So here's some post-football, pre-nothing else I much care about happening in sports until, say, July, updates on the four people who matter most, in (rough) order of importance:

I was getting ready to go to the office for a bit on Sunday morning and had the NFL Network's pre-pre-pregame show on, and they were talking about how this was the Year Of Tebow or something like that. A montage of people saying "Tebow" was played, and then a guy said something about Tebow's phenomenon transcending the NFL, and added this:

"When it transcends the NFL in the United States, it essentially transcends God"


(a) Take that, NASCAR. I told you you weren't a sport, and

(b) Really? The NFL is bigger than God in the U.S.? To check that dubious claim, I googled "NFL vs. God," because googling things is how scientists prove science these days, and I found this site that claimed to have "NFL vs. God poll results," only the actual poll wasn't NFL vs. God, and I went back to the results and went all the way to the second page of Google results, which nobody ever does (when was the last time you even paged down to see a result?)(What? You're not as lazy as me?) So I've set this up as the poll over there to the right. Make sure you vote because either God or the NFL is going to smite you if you don't.

Brett Favre's Legacy Update! Did this Super Bowl almost see a surprise return of the Ol' Sext-slinger to the gridiron? If you said yes then you, like me, were probably overcome by oven cleaner fumes and lost for a few hours in a hazy fever dream in which the entire league was made up of Nothin' But Favres.

But that's to be expected, given that the allure of the Super Bowl was enough to get Brett talking about how maybe he misses playing just a little:

Brett Favre joined 1340 The Fan in Lubbock with Jack Dale's Sportsline with Steve Dale to discuss being away from the game of football, his retirement process, what it takes to play in the NFL and his Super Bowl memories.

Do you feel a little antsy during the week leading up to the Super Bowl?:

"I do. This'll be my first year removed from playing. I get the question all the time: Do you miss it? I really, in all honesty, have not, but once the playoffs came around, especially [last] week, and in year's past as well, this is kind of the time the juices get flowing again. Even in past years, when I wasn't in the Super Bowl, I wished I was. This week was really no different than in year's past, but as far as the regular season went, I didn't miss it a bit. … It kind of started out for me, in my career, when we got to play on a primetime setting … that was kind of the start to the Super Bowl lead-up. Just being the only show in town was a big thing for me."
Wouldn't it be great if Brett Favre could only play in the Super Bowl? It's the natural progression, right? He didn't like training camp and so began to join his team about a week before the preseason. Now, he doesn't like the regular season, so why not just get to where we all want to be, and require that Favre take the field only for the Super Bowl.

This year, for example, he could have played for the Patriots*, and that would have freed up Brady to catch the ball, relieving him of the obligation of doing both.

Aaron Rodgers also probably doesn't like those two guys who like Drew Brees better than him.
But, then, Brees had a better postseason, didn't he? (He did.) Never one to let things just slide, The Anointed One graciously accepted the award by taking a jab at the 49ers:

Rodgers, who grew up in Northern California, acknowledged childhood heroes Joe Montana, Jerry Rice and Steve Young of the 49ers before saying this with a sly grin: "Big Niners fan as a kid -- thanks for drafting me."

To paraphrase Vince Lombardi, "Show me a poor sport, and I'll show you Aaron Rodgers."

And last but not least, Tim Tebow continues to get the ladies, with reports claiming that he rejected Kim Kardashian, but "only had eyes for" Maria Menounos at the Super Bowl party, and had Katy Perry dedicate her pre-Super Bowl song "Peacock" to Tim Tebow. Tebow took it all in stride, hinting that when he's done having his coach and general manager publicly rip him for his gall in winning most of his games while selling tons of merchandise, he may go into politics, so 20 years from now, we can all look forward to a presidential election in which Tebow is down in the electoral votes until just before midnight, when he suddenly wins in some unexpected manner (Puerto Rico discovers it has 532 electoral votes it's never used?).

Meanwhile, have you Bradied today? Even Brett Favre's getting in on that craze:

Here's Katy Perry's Peacock:

Can you believe once people were upset because George Michael sang about how great monogamy was? I bet Tipper Gore is rolling over in her grave.


Grumpy Bulldog, Media Mogul said...

If God had fantasy leagues and was cooler about gambling he'd probably be bigger than football. Though God only took 1 day to rest, whereas football players pretty much rest 340 days of the year and that's only if they played the maximum number of games and preseason games.

Grumpy Bulldog, Media Mogul said...

BTW not to get too sports talky here but while Brady may not have been able to throw the ball to himself, he could control throwing the ball out of the end zone for a safety. I mean he's only been in the league since 2001, it wasn't like he was some dumbass scrub rookie like Dan Orlovsky when he ran out of the end zone for a safety in 2008 in the Lions-Vikings game.

And without that safety, if everything else had gone the same, in the last Giants drive it would have been 17-13 and they would have had to have scored a touchdown to take the lead, which from their past two appearances in the red zone was anything but a sure thing. And even if they had scored a touchdown it would have been 20-17 and the Patriots would have needed only a field goal to tie the game, which might have taken some of the pressure off.

Not to mention when your veteran 3-time championship quarterback gets a safety on the very first play it doesn't set a great tone for your team.

So in other words Gisele Bundchen, maybe he couldn't throw and catch the ball, but he still lost the game for them.

Tim Morrissey said...

Just a point of trivia, here - wasn't Favre's first pass a completion to himself? Bounced off some random player and he grabbed it and ran a couple yards.

You could look it up on Google to "research" it, but I'm too lazy.

And BTW, take THAT, Frau Bundschen!


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