Thursday, April 19, 2012

St. Peyton gets a buddy. (Updates on God.)

You may think I am a bit rabid in my ever-increasing dislike of Saint Peyton Manning, patron to all who believe that you can never make enough money, but I am nothing compared to an actual Man of God (or should that be in quotes?) such as Pat Robertson, who believes that God is going to, or at least ought to, injure Saint Peyton as retribution for costing Tim Tebow his starting job. Said Robertson, on the 700 Club recently:

"OK, so Peyton Manning was a tremendous MVP quarterback, but he's been injured. If that injury comes back, Denver will find itself without a quarterback. And in my opinion, it would serve them right."

So that's not quite the story that Yahoo! headlined as follows:

Pat Robertson believes Peyton Manning should get hurt this year.

But close enough, right? Saying an injured player may be injured again is the same thing as wishing that player ill, and who really pays attention to what religious guys say, anyway?  Stuff Jesus said once ended up in a landfill, after all.*

While Pat Robertson, and possibly God, were upset that Tebow was sent packing, one guy really is grateful that St. Peyton landed in Denver: Brandon Stokley.

Stokley, who had one catch last year in two games played before sitting out the year with an injury, signed a one-year contract with the Broncos, a contract that Deadspin suggested was a "thank-you" either to Stokley for luring St. Peyton to Denver or to St. Peyton for agreeing to play for $18,000,000 per year and thereby proving that he is a selfless hero to the common man.  Either way, the Broncos have committed even more salary cap money and mortgaged their future as they attempt to buy a quick Super Bowl title by renting a past hero from another team, the way Minnesota would have finally been able to do had the Saints not been authorized by the NFL to take head shots at pros for just one more year because the NFL desperately wanted to keep a team in New Orleans and manipulating the draft to get Reggie Bush there hadn't worked.

There was a lot of information and innuendo in that sentence. Take a moment to soak it up, then go back to pondering this:

Which will happen first, Tim Tebow starts a game for the New York Jets or St. Peyton misses a game for the Broncos?  I'm going to say both happen simultaneously.  In Week 7. 

Also: I'm not so sure the Broncos are the Super Bowl caliber team they seem to think they are.  When Favre signed with the Vikings, the Vikings had gone 10-6 the year before and snuck into the playoffs with Tarvaris Jackson as their quarterback.  But they did that in a division full of relatively tough teams and in an NFC that was pretty tough, too -- 12 teams had 8 wins or more that year.

The Broncos last year went 8-8 in a weak division and only 10 of the 16 teams posted 8 wins or better.  Then they barely beat an aging, wheezing Steelers team before being soundly defeated by the only good AFC team last year.  There's no reason to think that the 2012-13 Broncos will be the 2010 Vikings, but that is obviously what Elway & Fox are assuming. 

*True story: Excavating an ancient landfill, archaeologists found not only sayings that were attributed to Jesus, but also ancient porn.  So they had televangelists back then, too!


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