Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Maybe she could have prayed to God to give her an infinite number of prayers to be granted? Or does it not work that way? (Updates On God!)

If you needed further proof that God is a Green Bay Packer fan, take into consideration the case of Martha Isom, who recently was able to complete a pilgrimage thanks to divine intervention, and possibly rest stops on the highway.

Isom is a 66-year-old grandmother and victim of fraud by the Green Bay Packers who doesn't let that stop her from trading in all her heavenly chips to hear how the Packers no longer think the season should be 18 weeks of regular-season games... in person.  Isom, a native of Charlotte, North Carolina, recently made her first trip to Green Bay to attend the annual "shareholders" meeting, and, reports The, her trip was only made possible because of God:

“I asked God to just let me get here and he granted my wish,” said Isom, a retired school employee who was on the road more than 12 hours to get to Green Bay.

Isom did not elaborate on what hazards she faced on the perilous journey from Charlotte to Green Bay, traversing through such hellscapes as West Virginia, Indianapolis, and even Illinois.

*pauses to shudder, hug his children*

I myself can't imagine it, because I would never attempt such a quest.  But Isom must have had divine help, because she reported being on the road "more than 12 hours" whereas Mapquest says it takes people that don't have Jesus ridin' shotgun 16 hours (and then some.)

In all, 12,500 people managed to make it to Green Bay in person and listen to a pep talk, that being the sole perk of owning Green Bay Packer stock.  Or, as Packer president/CEO Mark Murphy says:

"It's not an investment in the sense of a normal investment -- I mean, they don't get dividends; they can't re-sell it for a profit. But what it does, though, it gives them a special bond to the organization that you just don't see from other organizations."

You know,  the kind of bond you can only get from giving an insanely profitable, highly-subsidized corporation your money in exchange for absolutely nothing.  (At least when I throw money down the rathole that is the Buffalo Bills' organization, I get a t-shirt in exchange.  I like to think the Bills' pajamas I got for Christmas last year helped give Trebuchet Fitzpatrick what Jim Kelly feels is a God-given right to $25,000,000 in exchange for heaving the ball to random locations on the field.)

Or is it nothing? "Shareholders" at the meeting also got to gaze in awe at the Mirror Ball trophy Donald "Quickie" Driver brought home from Dancing With The Stars, and is that really his nickname? I have never heard anyone call him that.  I don't even think he's particularly quick.

Most of the "shareholders" at the meeting learned how profitable the team is, something that should come as no surprise to them: after all, the team managed to sell 268,000 worthless pieces of paper to fans at $250 per piece just last year.

When you've got fans literally willing to throw money at you for nothing, and when fans pray to God that they will live long enough to listen to a speech about how profitable you are, how can you lose money?

 There are, perhaps, other things Martha Isom could have prayed for.  But it would be crass to point those out, wouldn't it? She got God to intervene in the world's affairs and made it to the shareholders' meeting, and it's not really up to us to determine what Martha Isom, 66, from Charlotte, should pray for.


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