Tuesday, September 24, 2013

HEADLINE: “Time Travel Is Only Possible In One Direction, Scientists Say.” Subhead: “Balderdash,” Tim says. (Infinite Monkeys)

HEADLINE: “Time Travel Is Only Possible In One Direction, Scientists Say.”  

Subhead: “Balderdash,” Tim says.

 Tim’s response makes sense primarily if you understand higher-level theoretical physics and how wormholes in space might actually exist (although nobody has yet seen one or proven that one exists other), but secondarily Tim’s response makes sense if you consider that Tim is a large-ish (7’, give or take, although he says that they no longer measure things in relationship to other things and so the ‘foot,’ as well as the ‘meter’ and the ‘acre’, among other special measures, has been long forgotten, in favor of an entirely objective, absolute value of measuring things, the title of which is unpronounceable by man’s tongue, also not used very often where Tim is from), handsome-ish (why not? Genetic restructuring is available over the counter, through a variety of tablets, or powders if you prefer them mixed into your coffee), Neutron-propulsion-pack-wearing-ish (jetpacks will always be too dangerous, but who could be hurt by a 2-liter (that’s the only unit of measurement that time and ours have in common) pack of heavy water from which neutrons are plucked for propulsion? At worst, the pants get a little wet on the cuffs, but styles are such that most people wear boots), man who says that he is from the future?
But not just any future.
“Time travel,” Tim tells the people standing outside the coffeeshop, circa 2013, “isn’t just possible going forward, which, I mean, you’re ALREADY DOING THAT…”
*chuckles in the crowd and Tim nods appreciatively.*
“…but also backwards, except nobody wants to go there. Have you ever gone back to your parent’s house after graduation? That’s what traveling to the past is like: worse technology, people are smellier – no offense – and things are more expensive than you’d like to remember. Plus, your parents are on your case all the time.”
More laughs, except from the parents.
“More excitingly, and I’m here to tell you it IS exciting, is travel in alternative directions of time.  Travel to the LEFT. To the RIGHT. In SPIRALS!”
The crowd ponders this.
“It’s how I got this awesome hat,” Tim says, putting on the aforementioned awesome hat. It looks like a Viking helmet, but there is something off about the horns, which, on closer inspection, do not appear to be horns.
“They’re dinosaur teeth,” Tim says. “There’s this one era of time, about 67-degrees away from perpendicular to this one, and a little above it, where dinosaurs are doing the MOST AMAZING THINGS with arts and crafts.”


9 comments:

Andrew Leon said...

Wait... which Tim is this? The same one with the bunny?

Briane P said...

?

I'm confused. Should I remember Tim with the bunny? I feel like I should.

Andrew Leon said...

No, not really. I as just making a vague Holy Grail reference.

Briane P said...

Oh. Which explains why I didn't get it. I'm not fluent in Monty Python.

Tony Laplume said...

Tim, the sorcerer. Played by John Cleese. The bunny was unleashed on the knights and only the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch could hault its menace.

Briane P said...

I see.

Good to see you back, Tony!

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