Friday, November 1, 2013

"What's All This, Then?" (Infinite Monkeys)

What’s all this, then?
Am I asleep?
How can it be neither?
Easy: You know that kind of asleep kind of awake feeling that you sometimes get, where the television is on but you don’t really recognize the show (it’s Colbert but your brain won’t wrap itself around that) and you’re still sort of sitting up, and your Kindle is still sort of on your lap and Slate magazine is still sort of available to be read and you’re still sort of annoyed by the article you read about how 50-year-olds are the only people who remember what 33 LPs sound like?
That’s neither.
Is this that?
Is that this?
Let’s inventory: lights on? Lights off?
Lights off.
Or my eyes are closed.
So that’s a wash. I could try to open my eyes and see if the lights are on but my eyes were closed, but what if I open my eyes and it’s still dark? That might prove that the lights were off and my eyes were closed, but it might just mean that I dreamt that my eyes were closed and dreamt that they were then opened, and then dreamt, for good measure, that the lights were off.  So it’s entirely possible that I am sleeping, and dreaming about whether I am sleeping or awake, and that in my dream I would open my eyes to see the lights off, at which point I would be no better or worse off than I was at the start.
Unless, and bear with me here, unless I am almost about to fall asleep and if I open my eyes I’ll be back awake and will feel like I should go back to work on that arduous article about the debt ceiling talks, which somehow managed to be so tedious it made me feel more awake.
Let’s start from square one.
I wonder how long that has been an expression?
It must have started around the time that board games became popular, right? That’s the only place people start from square one.
Except comic strips, man! You always start from square one in comic strips, which were a big thing, weren’t they? Popeye was a comic strip back in the turn of the century.
Wow, that sort of snuck in there out of left field. Popeye? That’s where we’re going with this?
OK. So: back to the basics. Eyes: seem definitely closed.
Hands: seem to be holding the Kindle.
Television is definitely on. I’m definitely not dreaming that because who would dream commercials? Especially commercials for Christmas albums starring… oh, crap: Christmas albums starring Herb Alpert’s Tijuana Brass! Which almost certainly is not on the television now as it’s only October and it’s NOT 1962 so nobody is advertising Herb Alpert which means you are definitely asleep, fella, definitely not awake anymore, which means that you are dreaming that you are trying to figure out if you are awake or asleep, which honestly is a waste of a good dream, if you ask me.  Maybe we ought to spice it up.
Or space? Astronauts?
A birthday party outside in the yard for the twins, with a bounce castle?
Who are you kidding? It’s going to be that girl from Starbucks, right?
Her, flying.
What did she look like?
Red hair?
That seems unlikely. Or did she have red hair?
Does it matter?
It seems like it matters.
I mean, if you’re going to try to add her to your dream… remember that thing you read where you could lucid dream by imagining yourself spinning counterclockwise as you fell asleep? Remember that? That was years and years ago, and you haven’t tried it since. Or is this a lucid dream?
Did she have red hair?
Was that the television?
I don’t think she had red hair.
Spin like a top.
Is that my hand?

What’s all this, then?


Andrew Leon said...

Popeye wasn't around until the 1930s. Comic strips were really only even getting started in the 1890s or so and didn't become a real thing until the 20th century.

I've never heard that spinning thing, but I do think I need a nap.

Briane P said...

Well, people who might be lucid dreaming are not known for their grasp of historical facts.

I think.

Pat Dilloway said...

This could be the plot for the next M Night movie. Then at the end the big twist could be that it's really a moose dreaming about a man who isn't sure he's dreaming!

Briane P said...

I think Rusty has the copyright on mooses in pop culture right now. Is Mooses right? Should it be Moosi? I don't want to anger the Moosi.

Andrew Leon said...

History's all subjective, anyway, right?

柯云 said...

designer handbags
tiffany & co
jordan 11
ralph lauren outlet
jordan retro 8
michael kors outlet online
beats by dre outlet
fitflop clearance
tiffany and co jewelry
toms shoes outlet online
gucci bags
christian louboutin outlet
kate spade outlet
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet
cheap ray ban sunglasses
nike air max 90
coach outlet store online
red bottom shoes
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet online
cheap nfl jerseys
nfl jerseys
burberry handbags
air jordan 8
coach outlet store online
beats by dr dre
lebron 12
adidas running shoes
insanity workout
louis vuitton purses
ray ban sunglasses
uggs on sale
true religion jeans
ed hardy outlet
ray ban sunglasses
nike store
cheap ray ban sunglasses
ray bans

Yuanyuan Lin said...

6.04llllllyuancoach outlet online
coach outlet store
coach outlet
coach outlet store
tory burch outlet online
tory burch outlet online
tory burch outlet
coach outlet store
ray ban sunglasses
christian louboutin shoes
cazal outlet
versace sunglasses on sale
louis vuitton sunglasses for women
dior outlet
gucci sunglasses uk
chrome hearts outlet
chrome hearts outlet online
police sunglasses for men
cartier sunglasses for men
cartier outlet store
cartier watches for sale
prada sunglasses for women
burberry sunglasses on sale
mont blanc outlet
reebok shoes
reebok shoes
adidas shoes
air max 90
air max 90
air max 90
timberland shoes
christian louboutin uk
ralph lauren pas cher
nike air force 1
chaussure louboutin

千禧 Xu said...

cheap michael kors handbags
michael kors handbags
michael kors handbags
cheap jordan shoes
nike blazer pas cher
michael kors handbags
michael kors outlet online
cheap michael kors handbags
michael kors outlet
adidas nmd

wesan michael said...

cheap mlb jerseys
tiffany and co jewellery
longchamp bags
timberland outlet
michael kors handbags
yeezy boost 350 v2
tiffany and co jewelry
cheap tiffanys
michael kors handbags
oakley sunglasses

dada24 Xu said...

canada goose sale
coach outlet online
kd 8 shoes
ugg boots outlet
hollister co
cheap jordan shoes
oakley sunglasses cheap
ed hardy uk
moncler uk

Unknown said...

new england patriots jerseys
tiffany jewellery
moncler jackets
michael kors handbags
ray ban sunglasses
cheap oakley sunglasses
patriots jerseys
supra shoes sale
houston texans jerseys
michael kors handbags clearance


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...